talking with grief

Me: Is it always this way?

Grief: Is what?

Me: Don’t patronize me. Grief. You. Do I always have to feel this way?

Grief: I wasn’t patronizing you. I am asking what you mean by grief. I mean different things to different people.

Me: You mean sadness. Even you have to know that.

Grief: Ah yes. For most that is my initial effect. I wish it wasn’t so. It never really goes away forever. And that’s ok. It’s not what is most important.

Me: Then what is?

Grief: What’s next.

Me: Oh you mean the “steps” they all talk about? I know there are focus groups for this kind of thing.

Grief: (smiles) They mean well, but no. Why are you worried about them?

Me: Well I guess… Aren’t they all watching?

Grief: It shouldn’t matter to you.

Me: I admit it does.

Grief: Look farther.

Me: (thinking)

Grief: (patient)

Me: Listen, I can feel something pulling me. It feels... different. And different can be scary.

Grief: Different to who.

Me: Well, to everything, I guess.

Grief: Humans just complicate it. It’s the most natural way. Why would you all be here together?

Me: Well, I don’t know, so we can look around and see how we are doing?

Grief: Comparison (shakes head). That is what robs you of grace. Close your eyes and concentrate–like you don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Me: (eyes closed. time. calm. more time. clarity.)

Grief: (smiles)

Me: I see. You are to change me. I feel it.

Grief: (smiles knowingly) Feel what?

Me: Empathy. Compassion. Love.

Grief: I prefer this to sadness, don’t you?

Me: I’m not sure what to do with this.

Grief: After you, it’s them. Show them.

Me: How?

Grief: The same way you were brought to see it. Thought. Quiet. Prayer. Meditation. Nature. Love.

Me: I’ll do my best.

Grief: That’s all I can ask. He will make up the rest.

-hb mercy

(photo taken together at a beach that's great for sunsets. is there another kind?)