grief speaks

“Why are you still here?” I asked it, “I thought time would solve all this?”

Staring back, it did not answer, there was something I had missed.

“Did I do it wrong? Did I forget a step? Please tell, I need to move on!”

The silence stung. Pain returned anew. Oh, how I wished it was gone.

Before it came, I saw it in others. Some handled it well and some not.

I thought its grip cold, relentless, and mean, leaving those in its wake to rot.

When loss found me that day, I suddenly felt just how crippling it could be.

A constant companion, a reminder so stark, of a fallen world’s frailty.

As I grappled for peace, or a respite at least, I looked for countless distractions.

Still it followed, wherever I went, in my mind and in all interactions.

I was polite, even pleasant (I thought), when some told me they were sorry to hear

Of my loss, of our loss, but didn’t they know? This whole world lost someone dear.

Just when I thought it would never relent, I felt something I hadn’t before.

It finally spoke up, Are you ready to see? I’ll show you, if you’ll open the door.

I turned the handle, darkness fell from my eyes, and I saw people differently.

Some in fear, some in pain, and some even felt both. Loss was not unique to me.

For so long my head hung, staring down at my wounds. Looking up, now I could tell:

Burdens are carried by everyone here—some show it, while others hide it well.

It softened my heart, I extended my hand. I longed for each of them to be free.

But that wasn’t my job, I was to listen and share: compassion born of empathy.

Now you finally see: I never wished us to meet. But the choice is never my own.

I bring heartache and sorrow, when I find each of you, I only hope each one will be shown.

I can soften your soul, let you see the unseen. I can help you bring love to the others.

Peace is not found in despair all alone. It is found in lifting your sisters and brothers.

-hb mercy

(i find grief more manageable if I speak to it. and better still if i listen afterward. photo taken after aaron's funeral, walking to the "synergy" statue by gary price, in my hometown. gary used aaron's hands as a model for this sculpture. it's a special piece of art.)